i walked to work this morning, just hung over enough to justify the early morning smokeysmokey, and when i thought back to being drunk last night, bitching and moaning to a cabbie, trashed on my front stoop smoking in the am... it just made me sick of everything.
i turned up the sound on my headphones and pretended that i didn't know anyone in this city,
that i was walking to some job that doesn't bore me or make me feel dull and suck the life out of me but was menial in its own right, comforting in the simply repetition of tasks and new enough to not be a hassle. i pretended i was in portland and that i hadn't spoken in days because i didn't have any friends yet. it was nice. i started get really jealous of S- running off to chicago and starting fresh all for himself. the thought of that always seems scary and overwhelming, like there are just so many things to take care of before i could consider that. while i've never been a big fan of change, or adapted to it well, it seems like something is brewing on the horizon and whether i wanna deal with it or not, it's there.
C.X- has an art opening tonight which means his roommate will be pouring some mighty strong
martini's but i don't feel like drinking. or smoking. or talking. i'm really feelin' the need to chill by myself. take a mo'. slow my roll. i just want to be by myself. i want to come home to a sparse room with almost nothing in it - a bed. a desk. a pile of books. a lamp. a pile of clothes.
everything is too routine. i can't seem to jump the tracks that my train is ridin' on.
i fantazised about selling all my shit and moving to cleveland so i could bartend with M- and sit in an empty room and write.
all i wanted to say last night was 'i sure did miss kissing you' and i couldn't. i was drunk and she was there and it just didn't work. i always wish i could say things to you, and i never quite make it that far.
i need a change. can anyone spare some change?
i'm getting cranky and aggrevated at the constructs of my life.
i wish i could fall in love with someone who would listen to records with me.
i wish i could write again.
i wish it were easy.
i turned up the sound on my headphones and pretended that i didn't know anyone in this city,
that i was walking to some job that doesn't bore me or make me feel dull and suck the life out of me but was menial in its own right, comforting in the simply repetition of tasks and new enough to not be a hassle. i pretended i was in portland and that i hadn't spoken in days because i didn't have any friends yet. it was nice. i started get really jealous of S- running off to chicago and starting fresh all for himself. the thought of that always seems scary and overwhelming, like there are just so many things to take care of before i could consider that. while i've never been a big fan of change, or adapted to it well, it seems like something is brewing on the horizon and whether i wanna deal with it or not, it's there.
C.X- has an art opening tonight which means his roommate will be pouring some mighty strong
martini's but i don't feel like drinking. or smoking. or talking. i'm really feelin' the need to chill by myself. take a mo'. slow my roll. i just want to be by myself. i want to come home to a sparse room with almost nothing in it - a bed. a desk. a pile of books. a lamp. a pile of clothes.
everything is too routine. i can't seem to jump the tracks that my train is ridin' on.
i fantazised about selling all my shit and moving to cleveland so i could bartend with M- and sit in an empty room and write.
all i wanted to say last night was 'i sure did miss kissing you' and i couldn't. i was drunk and she was there and it just didn't work. i always wish i could say things to you, and i never quite make it that far.
i need a change. can anyone spare some change?
i'm getting cranky and aggrevated at the constructs of my life.
i wish i could fall in love with someone who would listen to records with me.
i wish i could write again.
i wish it were easy.
posted by DameRight at 1:09 PM
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